A Fool's Time to Shine!
by Victini-Kumi
Summary: Josephine Tomlin is your average, run-of-the-mill 15-year-old. A little crazy, yeah, but pretty normal. When a god-like force decides to toss her into the FMA universe for the who-knows-what-reason, she discovers a secret that could tear both worlds apart- and it won't be pretty. T for lots o' cursing, maybe EdxOC (we'll see.) Fair warning: spaztastic writing!
1. In the Beginning

_I'm Josephine Tomlin._

_I'm 15 years old._

_And I'm scared._

* * *

"Bloody heat!" Queue random British accent. I clicked on the Spotify tab at the bottom of the screen, changed the song to Blue Alice by Ayria, and turned to the thermostat. It was _90 fucking degrees._

"NO. Just NO." I shut my laptop and slipped it into my messenger bag, then ran outside. "To the library!" I cheered, earning an odd look from the only person on my street currently- which happened to be an old lady. I guess I understand- imagine, you're just sittin' there, mindin' your own business, when- _BAM!- _random crazy blonde runs outside in a Hello Kitty t-shirt and short-ish rose-print shorts, screaming her thoughts to the world. _Heh._

Anywhozzles, I ran to the library, trying not to lose my 80's-style Converse on the way, and ran in, bounding down into the basement where they kept my favorite thing- manga.

Namely, Fullmetal Alchemist.

It changes a lot- my favorite manga, that is- but that's only my SBS (Shiny Ball Syndrome) tendencies. Having the attention span of a two-year-old high on sugar is annoying, at times.

I snatched the first 5 volumes and started reading right there.

"Rose, you dolt! Get over it and stop your sniveling!"

I'm a little cruel, I must say. I just really hated her. Of course, I used to be the exact same way...

**_Little sister..._**

Huh? "Who's there?" I whispered frantically.

**_Come home, little sister. The world needs you._**

_Wha-?_ My thought process was cut off by a gust of wind. _But I'm indoors-!_

Blue Alice started playing from my laptop in my messenger bag. _This is soooo creepy! _

"Somebody HELP!"

_Watch out- you'll end up like Alice!_

* * *

Strange smells... people talking... huh...?

"There's a young girl here, she seems to be in shock-" My foot shot up, clocking the poor guy where the sun don't shine. He squeaked soprano, dropping to the floor.

"Whoops. Sorry, dude." I coughed awkwardly as his buddies- all dressed the same, I might add- marched in. _Wait, are they wearing what I think they're wearing...? Yup._

_Cosplayers._

Then, of all the things I could've heard right then, I heard the safety of a gun click. _Shit._

* * *

**_So, how was it? Good? Bad? Review, my friends!_**

~_Prisma Honeydew~_


	2. I Don't Claim to be Sane

**I own nothing but Josephine. **

* * *

Crazy girls and nerves don't mix well. Why you ask?

_"Well_,_ if I were a bell, I'd go ding-dong, ding-dong, DING~!"_

That high note was gorgeous, by the way.

Well, back to the point, I was currently trying not to go into full-blown panic mode as _Roy-FREAKIN'-Mustang_ questioned me.

I'm destined for a future as charcoal.

"Where are you from?"

"Oh, you know, that one place near the little building..."

"How old are you?"

"Young."

"And your name is...?"

"Something my mother gave me."

It started that way, anyway. Eventually he threatened me with those damn gloves of his (I kept answering the same thing, even when he re-phrased the question), and I started singing 'Guys and Dolls' songs, full-blast.

_"Luck be a lady tonight-"_

"Would you SHUT UP?!"

"No one has appreciation for the classics anymore... boo."

"Will somebody else deal with this _psycho_?!"

"I'm not psychotic. Just a little on the crazy side, flame-brain."

"..."

Oh, shit.

I'm gonna die.

* * *

So, in the end, Hawkeye had to threaten the colonel into submission (it cracked me up a lot), and I'm stuck in a jail cell. Seriously, they couldn't have been a _little_ more creative? I've seen fanfics all over the place just like this.

"Hey."

I promptly freaked out at the random little voice in the adjacent cell. "**Holy SHIT! **I didn't know anyone was in here with me!"

"Geez, freak out much? I'm just a regular old illegal immigrant, nothing to be afraid of. By the way, why are you in here?"

"I kinda-maybe-er?-insultedcolonelmustangandalmostgot myselfkilled?"

"Slow down a little! Thank goodness I could still understand you. Say, got any food?"

"Nope."

I could literally _see_ the poor guy deflate.

"So... hungry...!"

"Dude, I know where your comin' from..." I put my face on the floor. "Hi, floor! Make me a sammich!"

"...Are you crazy or something?"

"Maybe."

"... Okay, then...?"

"Nah, I'm just impulsive."

This pointless conversation was then interrupted by a familiar suit of armor with a creepy helmet and everything.

"Barry the Chopper?" I questioned.

"Do I know you, doll face?"

"Negatory. I just know a creepy ass serial killer when I see one."

"It's nice to know I'm so popular~!"

"... Yeah."

"So, what're you in for?"

"Pissing off Colonel Flame-for-brains."

"Okay!"

He then cut open the cell door, freeing me for escape, and I bolted outta there faster than a bat outta hell.

"FUCK YEAH!"

* * *

**Invader** **Zim, FMA bloopers, and Guys and Dolls inspired this random crud.**

**Also, I don't claim to remember these things, so expect some improvising. I am NOT Sheska, people!**

**L-O-V-E ~Prisma Honeydew~**


	3. It's not like I'm crazy, or anythin'

Running down a street is one thing. Running down the street because you just saw a huge fiery mass light up the sky is another.

So, here I am, bookin' it as fast as possible _towards_ the explosion, when I hear an angry shriek of 'Why didn't you say anything?!' and the loud thunk of a fist hitting flesh.

I whipped around the corner, barely hearing the word 'Elric' pass through the colonel's lips when I shriek "COLONEL BASTARD!" As loud as my lungs will possibly let me.

He gave me a death glare like no other (which was more than a little disconcerting since his irises are practically black) and hissed, "How did you get out of your cell?"

I pointed to Barry the Chopper, who shrugged. Then I noticed the kid on the ground.

"You ok there, blondie?"

The blond pushed himself off of the ground, gold eyes filled with hate directed toward the colonel.

I don't know what happened next, 'cause I'm pretty sure the colonel knocked me out.

* * *

"So, Fullmetal, you get to take care of this little nutca- I mean, girl. Understood?"

The blond (one Edward Elric- man, did I feel stupid) looked none too happy about this little set-up, but agreed.

Oh, yeah. You're probably like 'Where's the drama? Why'd the Colonel knock you out?' Well, I "slept" through it, and he's an ass who thinks I'll stir up trouble any chance I get. Not that he isn't spot-on, I'm just upset he _assumes _that I will.

"We're leaving."

I blinked, looking to the source of the voice (which was Ed, needless to say) and said in all of my infinite wisdom, "Eh?"

He apparently didn't deem that worthy of an answer, and just walked away.

"Sorry about my brother. He's very upset right now."

I looked to the suit of armor (I had to strain my neck to look at his head) and said, "It's fine. I've met worse people," -time to use those acting skills, thank you drama club teacher-lady- "So, who are you two?"

He smiled- it was more like the glowy eyes in his helmet scrunched up- and said, "My name is Alphonse Elric, and my brother's name is Edward."

"It's nice to meetcha. I'm Josephine Tomlin." It was then I realized I was trying not to give my name away, and I facepalmed.

"Are you okay?"

"No. I just realized how epically stupid I am, dear. I'll get over it, though."

"O...kay...?"

* * *

**Sorry, my chapters'll be short (I never know what to write, it's all spur o' the moment). I'm kinda new at this writin' stuff, and I have an awful memory, so don't get too bent outta shape if I write about something totally off topic from what I've written before, or if I get the details of the story wrong.**

**Thank you to those I know've reviewed:**

**_Clair Aragon_  
**

**_xXEmiShaeXx_**

**_TruthsMessage_**

**_thealchemistofepicness_**

**Also, I've based Josephine off of my younger self (Yeah, I'm still that crazy, it's just toned down a bit)**

**Now, I'm off to the library to read more Fullmetal Alchemist! I still haven't finished the manga!**

**Lots o' love,**

**~Prisma Honeydew~**


	4. I Don't Much Like Heat

"I'm melting...! It's so hot, dammit..."

I hung loosely off the horse, groaning.

"What the hell'd ya bring me along fer, anyways?!"

Armstrong turned to me with his creepy mustache-smile plastered on his face. "You knew Lieutenant Ross as well, correct?"

"Barely! Barry the Tin Can let me lose along with 'er! Damn, it's hooooooootttt...!"

Edward turned and glared at me. "At least you don't have a piece of metal attached to your body!"

I glared right back. "Screw you! I'm built for the cold, dammit! I live in Illinois, fer Pete's sa- oops."

He raised a brow at this. "Illinois?"

"I-it's a lesser known border town, y'all wouldn't know 'bout it..." I cringed internally at my pathetic excuse, and the fact my accent seemed to be getting worse.

He stared for a moment before turning back to the front.

_More walking._

_Still more walking._

_Walking, walking, walking._

_Ugh, I'm bored._

Bored+Josephine=Let's randomly break out in song!

"What should I sing? _Oh, what should I sing~?_" I sang.

"Please don't sing." Edward glared subtly at me as I started up my singing frenzy.

_"I'm just a bill,_

_I'm only a bill,_

_And I'm sittin' here on Capitol hill._"

"Please, shut up." He was staring at me like I was going to blow up in the next 5 seconds.

"No way. _It's been one week since ya looked at me,_

_Cocked your head to the side and said, 'I'm angry.'_

_Five days since you laughed at me saying,_

_'Get that together, come back and see me.'_"

He slapped his flesh hand over my mouth and hissed, "Shut. Up. **Now**."

I reluctantly nodded, and didn't speak another word for most of the trip to where ever.

* * *

I watched Ed as he soaked in the little fountain, a content look on his face, when suddenly, a thought struck.

"Ed, stand up."

"Why should I?" he challenged, glaring.

"Just do it, boy," I said, meeting his glare evenly.

He grumbled a bit before standing, and I waded into the water and stood barely an inch away from him. He gave an indignant "What?" as I stared him down.

"I've come to a conclusion."

"And what's that?"

"We're the same height. _Shrink,_" I hissed.

He glared- is that all he does?- then his expression shifted to absolute delight. "You're not taller than me!"

"Take off your boots and we'll see who's taller, asscandle."

He choked and glowered in my general direction, then we went back to the serious stuff (and who really cares about seriousness? Not Josephine Miranda Tomlin, I assure you.)

* * *

**Two chapters (albeit short ones) in one day?! STOP THE PRESSES!**

**It kind of randomly popped up in my mind, these things... Libraries do that to ya, I guess.**

**Also, my back really hurts. Just throwin' that out there.**

**Reviewers, followers, favoriters, viewers, I love you all!**

**Also, _xXEmiShae__Xx_, you are totally awesome! **

**Lots and lots o' love,**

**~Prisma Honeydew~**


	5. Random crud and OMAKE!

So, this chapter (not even a chapter, really) is mainly little factoids and junk. I've sort of lost the motivation for the chapter I had been working on (note to self: NEVER READ 'My Immortal' AGAIN EVER.) So, it's time for random junk!

First off, Josephine's bio:

Full name: Josephine Miranda Elliot May Tomlin (She hates the 'Elliot' and 'May', so she tends to cut that out altogether.)

Birthday: April 1, 1998 (Her mom gets a kick outta this)

Height: Average (About an inch taller than Ed with his platform boots and hair antenna)

Weight: (Insert angry scribbles somewhere along the lines of 'Screw you!')

Eye color: Blue/Gray/Green/Brownish

Hair color: Dirty dish water blond

Favorite quote: "dave get out of the fridge" -Found on Google images while looking up Homestuck pics

Most favoritest character ever of all time: (This was found scribbled on the back of the paper) Stuck between Ed Elric [obviously] and John Egbert from Homestuck [So friggin' adorkable, I could just-] (She squealed a rather odd squeal)

Next, the (not-so-)many reasons of why I haven't updated:

1) My Immortal. It sucks the IQ right outta ya.

2) Friends birthdays.

3) Homestuck. I just discovered this, and am now addicted.

4) Home_work_. UGH. IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE SUMMER VACATION.

And finally, just so you don't murder me for this failed excuse of an- wait. What exactly is this? Never mind. On with the show~

**Meet the anti-Sue~ (This is gonna be BAD.)**

You are Josephine Tomlin, and you are simply minding your own business, strolling about Central, pissing off the Colonel- ah, this is the life. But wait! Who is that beautiful goffik chick over there? You seek out Havoc, who says he's never seen the girl in his life. But, he admits, he would like to date her. No surprise there.

You go to talk to the girl, but she merely flips you off then goes on some rant on how you're a 'prep and a posr.' You wonder briefly how one can misspell something that is said out loud.

**Josephine: Be the pyromaniac Colonel.**

You are now Colonel Roy Mustang, and you are seriously confused. But you don't let that show on your face, because you do have a reputation to uphold. You are currently wondering where the little bat-shit crazy annoyance which goes by the name of Josephine is. You briefly wonder about how you know her name, but decide not to think about it. Her crazy is contagious, you decide.

**Mustang: Investigate.**

You follow the instructions of the odd voice (you internally blame it on the contagious crazy) and investigate where the brat has wandered off to, when- *gasp*- you see a beautiful woman, who is squawking utter nonsense. You brush off the thought of the woman's seemingly psychotic tendencies by seeing that one of your subordinates- one Jean Havoc- seems to be prepping himself to ask her out. You know what you must do.

**Mustang: Swoop in and sweep the strange girl off her feet.**

You're about to do so, when...

**Mustang: Be the annoying goffik girl who is babbling nonsense.**

You refuse. You wouldn't touch that girl's subconcious with a 50-foot pole.

**Do it anyway. STORY PROGRESSION, PEOPLE.**

Fine. You are now Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way (**A/N: Trying not to keel over for having to type this ridiculous name, give me a moment. . .**) and you have long ebony black hair (that's how you got my name) with purple streaks and red tips that reaches your mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears and a lot of people tell you you look like Amy Lee. You're not related to Gerard Way but you wish you were because he's a major fucking hottie. (**A/N: Oh god.**) You're a vampire but your teeth are straight and white. You have pale white skin. You're also a witch, and you go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England where you're in the seventh year (You're seventeen). You're a goth (in case they couldn't tell) and you wear mostly black. You love Hot Topic and you buy all your clothes from there. For example today you were wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. You were wearing black lipstick, white foundation black eyeliner and red eye shadow. (**A/N: Yes, I copied and pasted. There is no way on this EARTH you are getting me to type like THAT. But hey, at least I can capitalize.**** Now, back to the show, which is awful.**)

u was fkin cursin at a prtp fer bwin dere wen sddenly a hot giy cume out a nowere and-

**Enoby: STOP BEING THE GOFFIK GIRL BEFORE THE POOR AUTHORESS DIES. Be Josephine.**

You are now the awkward crazy girl by the name of Josephine. You stare unabashedly at the odd girl who seems to possess the ability to misspell words through speech. You can _feel _the IQ being sucked from your brain.

You decide to ask Hawkeye for a favor before the situation gets _too_ out of hand.

**Josephine: Hurry up so this dumb filler can be over.**

While you are a firm believer of 'patience is a virtue,' you realize you currently don't give a shit. You hurriedly ask Hawkeye for her gun, which she obliges to quickly. Apparently, she has already had a run in with the atrocity.

**Minutes before, but not many.**

You are Riza Hawkeye. You have just met a strange girl who is alternating between calling you a 'posr' (whatever that means) and a 'fukkin prep.' You are contemplating using your gun to straighten her out, but she runs off and starts flirting with some dark-haired and pale-skinned officer. You are growing seriously tired of this, as it's not nearly as fun as watching Josephine badger the soldiers. She didn't flirt with the officers, (she claimed that she 'liked guys, but not enough to date or flirt with') and she had more of an extremely annoying little sister thing going. But she showed the utmost amount of respect for you, which is part of the reason you let her use the gun. That, and you were tired of this 'Enoby' girl's whiny voice.

**Present time.**

You are now Josephine again. You aim the gun, and shoot (you miss by a few inches, grazing off some of the Colonel's hair- wait, why was he getting so close to her? Never mind, just focus.

IDJITVAMPLOG

Josephine: The next shot won't miss, I promise. Roy, get your firey ass over here, STAT.

Enoby: wat d u want, pr-

Josephine: SHUT. UP. NOW.

**Josephine: Shoot Enoby in the face. NOW.**

You follow the voice's instructions (several times over) then promptly beg Roy to burn the body. He does so, only after you begrudgingly promise not to annoy him for the rest of the week. You grumble to yourself about how if he had actually talked to that monstrosity, he'd need no bribery.

**In the not-so-distant future...**

Ebony black hair with purple streaks and red tips sways in the wind as icy blue eyes like limpid tears look around. It's not quite over yet...

* * *

So sorry you had to put up with this nonsense, but I didn't really want to leave the story updateless for months... I'd feel bad.

I really hope it doesn't suck.

But it probably does.

*sigh* Oh, well.

Oh, one more thing.

I have PESTERCHUM, and if you do too, then add noobaliciousPhantom, if ya wanna talk.

I love you all,

**~Prisma Honeydew~**


	6. Dreams and random kidnappings!

**This chapter makes less sense than stickin' your own foot under a 2-ton weight.**

**Oh, well.**

**Disclaimer, brought to you by me (Terezi style): 1 DON'T OWN FULLM3T4L 4LCH3M1ST!**

Everything, _everything_ was white.

It seemed intfinite, but I was standing on _something... _I think.

"_**Hello, little**_**_ human._**"

I turned towards the source of the voice, coming face to face with a white... thing.

"Who in the wonderful Wonderland are _you_?!" I snarled. This guy didn't give off a good vibe, at all.

It grinned a grin that would make the Cheshire cat blanch. "_**I'm so glad you asked! I'm what you might call God. Or the universe. Maybe even truth, or one, or all... and I am also**_** you**."

It clicked. "You're Truth! Why am I here, you godforsaken **assmunch?!**" I growled.

He hesitated, his grin dropping. **_"I... am not sure._**"

"_You're not sure?!_" I hissed, glowering at him.

**_"I... was trying to get my counterpart back._**"

"Since when do you have a counterpart?"

**_"She disappeared over a century ago,_**" He gave an impression of rage, looking up to me with his blank white face. "**_Instead of her, I got _****you!****_ The world's balance is going to corrupt because of_**** you!"**

I felt a bead of sweat trickle down my forehead. "Calm down!" I shrieked.

He ignored me. _**"The world is going to end because of **_**your****_ presence here! Die!_**"

"**CALM DOWN, YOU CREEPY ASS MOTHERFLUFFIN' POOR EXCUSE FOR A SLENDERMAN!**"

There was a loud _whoosh_ as I screeched, and I turned to see the gates open. But that wasn't the weird part.

The arms were _glowing white._

_**"What... are you?!**_" I turned to Truth, who seemed to be gaping at the gates. I swallowed my surprise and slapped on a smirk.

"I'm the gal who's gonna kick your sorry ass, and don't forget it. Oh, and I don't plan on dyin' any time soon, just an FYI."

I felt the arms wrap around me and fought the urge to scream in terror, watching as Truth's dumbfounded look shifted into his Cheshire cat grin.

**_"I guess I'll have to find out later... little human girl._**"

And with that, the gates closed.

* * *

When I woke up, I was somewhere I barely recognized, on the back of the horse I had been riding. _Xerxes... maybe...?_

I pushed myself off the horse, wondering about the dream I had had. Then I huffed.

"This sort of thing is much too serious for someone as strange as myself. I must restore my odd ways! Wait, I'm already talking to myself. Does that count? Hmm..."

My mindless blabber was cut off by a shadow speeding by towards the side. _That looks like..._

A hand slapped over my mouth, causing me to emit a muffled squeal. "You're coming with me." An unfamiliar voice said, pulling me along as I started up my crocodile tears.

* * *

Bored, so bored. Might as well bug the jack wagon who kidnapped me. **In the middle of a frickin' desert.**

"Where are we going?"

No answer. _Well then, _my inner voice said, offended.

"Tell me where we're going pinhead!"

Still no answer.

"I've got military connections, y'know!"

"Yeah? Too bad."

"Oh, so now you can talk."

Silence.

"It's not nice to blindfold a lady you've just met, you know."

"From what I've heard, you're not what most would consider a lady."

"Why, thank y- **Don't try to butter me up with flattery!**"

"Since when is that flattery?"

"'Tis in my book. Say, where'd you hear that from, anyways?"

"You're a weird girl." And with that, the conversation died.

"You know what, guy?" I said, making my voice into an annoyingly hyper tone.

He sighed, sounding exasperated. "What?"

"In honor of our meeting, I shall sing you a song!"

"No."

"Fine," I huffed.

.

.

"Now will you tell me where we're goin'?"

* * *

**This chapter's choppy.** **Not much I can do 'bout it, though.**

**'Til next time, **

**~Prisma Honeydew~**


	7. Look at this, the Author's excuses!

**HIATUS ALERT!**

**I'm sure you're all ****_very_**** happy that I'm doing this *coughsarcasmcough*, but it simply must be done.**

**High school is the bane of all people's existances. I'm not sure that's even a word. ****_Existances._**

**Anyways, hate me or love me,**

**Yours truly,**

_~Victini-kumi~_

**(Previously ~Prisma Honeydew~)**


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